Autor članka: Maša Karleuša Valkanou
Psiholog i psihoterapeut
Article in The National, UAE
Children’s eyes on today’s world
How defining will this time be in child’s life overall?
Children’s mind is very different from adults’. Children, at the early age, see the world through the eyes of the person they are attached to, they can’t grasp abstract concepts, neither see the bigger picture. Children depend on their caregivers to explain what the meaning of the reality they perceive is. How the experience of COVID pandemic will define their future depends on many factors.
How might it impact their psychological development in future?
Every crisis is an opportunity. Some children might experience extreme anxiety, which can be a seed of worry for their later life, but some will grow from this experience learning gratitude, new creative skills, remembering beautiful family time and having their parents present as they always longed for.
How will this impact differ depending on how old the child is now? (Toddler to young adult)
Early experiences are the once we call “formative” in psychological terms. In that sense, earlier experience is more important for the development in general and any event will have greater psychological impact at younger age. Parents sometimes think that because people don’t remember their early days, they have no psychological importance. This can’t be further away from the truth.
Sounds like bad news for our toddlers? Actually, they have the best chance not to be affected by the COVID situation. Toddlers are not experiencing reality directly, unless their loved one gets sick, they don’t understand what is happening in the world. Impact of the pandemic to young children will depend on their parents’ ability to remain calm and contain their own emotions. Preschool and school children can comprehend more, but they still rely on parents’ emotional reactions and explanations. Teenagers on the other hand are the most endangered “species” in this situation.
What age of the child will it have the biggest impact on? Why?
Every age is specific regarding emotional and cognitive maturity. If we have an adult, caregiver, that is extremely anxious, depressed and triggered by the situation, the younger child will probably soak in the emotional tension, feel anxiety and enact through different symptoms. Adult is the shield for the young child. If the shield doesn’t work, young child will be affected the most. If we have strong and healthy adults that provide good psychological shield to their children, then the teenagers, as a specific age group, will be most affected. Adolescents are subjected to news as much as adults, but they don’t have maturity, brain power and defence mechanism to digest it properly. Psychological development dictates that a teenager is separating self from family and attaching more to a peer group. In the situation of isolation, they lose the comfort of their peer group (online chat cannot be a proper substitute for the emotional exchange they have from friend circle). Teenager needs love and support and someone to calm their anxiety and fears, but can’t turn to parents, and can’t get it from friends neither. They can face serious feelings of loneliness and psychological isolation.
Will certain types of children be more susceptible to suffering from this situation?
Children’s emotional regulation greatly relies on their parents’ psychological state of mind. Parents who are more anxious, depressed and sensitive will usually not be able to contain their child’s anxiety. Families in which “anxiety runs” are certainly more vulnerable to this situation that brings realistic worry and fears.
What is the psychological impact you are seeing among children already?
Children are not occupied with their usual activities. They complain they are bored and are hard to handle. I urge the parents not to go an easy way and allow them time on gadgets. Now it is the most important that you limit the screen time. Let the children be bored, it is necessity for their brain development. Without boredom there is no creativity. Let them be bored and you will see after some time the beginning of creative play.
What signs or symptoms of struggle in children should parents be looking out for?
Parents should be attentive to their children’s needs. If the child is sad, irritable, moody, parent should give it attention. On the other hand, do expect that your teenager will be anxious to the roof, angry, desperate and isolate themselves. What you can do, after warm tea and a 30 second hug, ask them if they need some help in terms of online counselling. Now is very good time to try it.
What can parents do to alleviate any of the impact?
Follow the airplane instruction – “Always put your own oxygen mask first and then assist your children”. I can’t stress enough the importance of that statement. If you keep your anxiety and emotions under control, your child will not feel the threat. Child has no reason to doubt that the world is as good as you see it. If you as a parent feel overwhelmed, do not hesitate to ask for help, high anxiety is expected in this situation and therapy does work wonders if you commit to it.
Talk to your children to make sure they don’t have any unrealistic fears. If they imagine the worst, explain that every possibility has to be taken with its probability as well. If you are feeling strong enough, make family time interesting – sing, dance, paint, cook together, read books out loud, and make their favourite food. If you are exhausted that is ok too, find the things that makes you calmer such as comedy movies, your favourite shows, cup of tea… Plan small, don’t put additional pressure.
What words of encouragement do you have for parents and/or young people at this time?
COVID pandemic is making the change in the world as we know it. Life was always uncertain and out of control, but now we comprehend the gravity of that fact. Some people will have to fight through the most difficult experiences. Many people are worried about economic implications and the post pandemic effect. However, what you can do is to protect your family, stay safe and stay at home.
Think step by step, organize your Today. Don’t feel guilty to use this time the best you can. If somebody asked you for Christmas to stay home with your loved ones, enjoy your time, reconnect with family and friends, find the lost gratitude, do stuff at home you always wanted to but never had time for, I am sure many would say that it is a very decent Christmas wish. Maybe this is a chance to learn to be comfortable with just being and not doing, as a life worth lesson.
Korona virus
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